Writing is hard, and it’s hard to truly capture your genre. There are nuances, tropes, and clichés you have to be mindful of. Fear not! I have compiled the ultimate checklist. Follow this list, and I guarantee your book will probably almost match the book you want to write. Maybe.

 Cerulean/turquoise/amethyst eyes
 “I hate you!”
 Kisses
 “I love you!”
 Smooches
 A painfully hot vampire/werewolf/demon/angel boyfriend
 That beau is possessive and dangerous
 Kissing
 Like, he probably killed a guy
 Classical music (alternatively, piano dates)
 Rain kisses
 Covens or societies of the supernatural creature in question
 Pretty girls aren’t pretty until they get a leather-clad makeover
 Prophesied weapon of power
 Kissing in a romantic botanical garden with sparkly lights
 Your MC is “the one,” but not like Neo from The Matrix
 But Keanu Reeves would be a nice touch
 Give your MC absentee or dead parents
 If a parent is present, he or she is clueless
 And probably an accountant
 Rainy town in the middle of nowhere
 Kisses
 Jealous childhood best friend who becomes a jerk at the drop of a hat
 (It makes it easier to choose)
 Love geometry
 I recommend a dodecahedron
 Latin!
 Classes? What classes? You don’t need no stinking classes
 Stalking
 Marrying at eighteen because they are in such love. Much wow.
 Parents being OK with stalking angel boyfriends
 Magic. Babies.
 Parents somehow being more OK with stalking demon boyfriends??
 Not really kidding about Keanu Reeves, though
 Hot blood trickling from holes in the neck
 Decapitation
 Moan kisses, moan problems
 Raven hair

And most importantly:

 Shameless author self-insertion

In 1989, the world was officially introduced to Bill and Ted, two slacker teens living in the small town of San Dimas, California. With the hope their band the Wyld Stallyns will take the world by storm—and a promise their music will one day unite the world—they go on a, well, excellent adventure to ace history and party on, dudes. While Bill and Ted learned history, I learned everything I know about writing.

1. Make your main characters airheads. They’re more endearing that way.

In spite of the fact Bill S. Preston, Esq., and Ted “Theodore” Logan are flunking history, they aren’t stupid, just endearing. They have expansive vocabularies and show initiative by amassing large stacks of books to study. Every book seems to have a highly intelligent, capable heroine or hero with no social or common sense. Reverse it.

2. Work in Genghis Khan and Joan of Arc somehow.

You may not know it fits in your reimagined Sumerian myth romance war saga right now, but I guarantee they (and any other historical figures) will fit in at some point. Trust me, I’ve read, like, three books on how to write a book.

photo courtesy of MGM Studios

3. Find a catchy slogan that is your story.

Everyone knows the phrase “Be excellent to each other. Party on, dudes!” because it perfectly encapsulates everything that is Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure. Don’t be afraid to write that first, because there are only seven plots in the universe anyway. That can be filled in later, but that slogan has to be unique enough to be your story. Perfect that, the rest will follow.

4. A threat of military school always adds the right amount of tension.

In the film, Ted is threatened with military school if he doesn’t pass his history final. The most sensible way to add in conflict to your story is introduce a strict authoritarian to threaten your main character with military school. If your characters are in the military, y’know with those teenage rebels and such, threaten them with art school. It is just as effective.

photo courtesy of MGM Studios

5. Reference rock bands from the 80s.

Kansas, Van Halen, take your pick from the bunch. This is especially useful if you’re writing some sort of tribute to the works of John Hughes. Or, if you are writing a sci-fi adventure, this also works surprisingly well, given the success of Guardians of the Galaxy. And if you can work it into your high fantasy or historical romance, critics will be impressed with your writing talent. Problem solved.

The important thing is to know is that even though multitudes of books have been written teaching people to write, aspiring authors could have just watched Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure and saved themselves time and consternation.