Ughhhh. We can't believe we have to spell it out for all the non-English majors out there, but we just need to get a few things off our chest.
1.) People asking you, "What are you going to do with that?"
Did you know that they used to taunt Christian English majors by jeering Quid facias eo? when they were thrown into the Coliseum to fight three rabid bears with only a butter knife and barbecue sauce? I think we can all agree that this is a joke shouldn't be funny anymore.
II.) People assume you're not going to have a future.
That's exactly what the Romans assumed when they beheaded St. Pancras at the age of fourteen.
III.) You wanted to write a novel in high school but now you just write listicles
St. Catherine of Alexandria: "7 Times Pride and Prejudice Was Life"
Maxentius: I can't even take you seriously anymore
Catherine: "15 Things You Learn Freshman Year"
Maxentius: We're just going to execute you on the wheel
Catherine: "An Open Letter to Wheels"
IV.) Everyone in other majors thinks you've got it easy.
Just like the Jewish gladiator turned to the Christian one and said, "At least your faith's persecution will only last a few more centuries."
V.) People think your major is outdated.
But the truth is, some things will always be timeless, like a good story, deep meanings, and having all your teeth yanked out individually by a Roman mob and then immolating yourself on a pyre like St. Apollonia.
VI.) Pulling all-nighters to finish that paper that's due tomorrow.
English majors are seriously just like St. Felicity - she was eight months pregnant when she was going to be executed at the Roman games, but pushed out her baby THE NIGHT BEFORE to meet the deadline. #thestruggleisreal, and not just for STEM majors.
VII.) People constantly make jokes about you saying "Would you like fries with that?"
Although that really does sound like a snarky one-liner St. Lawrence would say.
VIII.) You randomly nerd out about stuff no one else seems to care about.
Like the famous dialogue between St. Augustine and St. Jerome:
Augustine: Omigod I ship Fourtris
Jerome: That's not even a ship they're like a couple in the book
Augustine: Yeah but I ship them soooo harrrd
Jerome: No one cares Augustine
Augustine: But
Jerome: STFU Augustine
IX.) Your hands are sooo sore from typing....
...So sore that they might spontaneously break into bleeding stigmata, symbolizing your spiritual union with the final agonies of Christ upon the Cross and God's plan for you to preach the mysteries before His flock.
X.) Your professors say that the YA books you love aren't "real" literature
Joan of Arc: YA is a diverse, really popular genre written for people my age because we're all going through tough times of finding our identity and people always put it down as frivolous but I just CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT CLACE OK
English: *put torch on pyre*
BONUS ROUND
Pics of St. Sebastian, who was a New Adult romance cover model before being shot by the Romans
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