Writing is hard, and it’s hard to truly understand your genre. There are nuances, tropes, and clichés you have to be mindful of. Fear not! I have compiled the ultimate checklist. Follow this list, and I guarantee your book will probably almost match the book you want to write. Maybe.

ü  Fading regency estate (alternatively, well-to-do Victorian household)

ü  Dramatic sunrise

ü  Threat of suitor/arranged marriage to loom over our heroine

ü  One heroine: eldest of some number of sisters, rebellious, headstrong, unconventional

ü  Her name is probably Elizabeth

ü  But she probably goes by Zabe, because forget historical norms

ü  One romantic interest: brooding, dark-haired, well-built, mysterious, aloof; above all, rich

ü  He probably goes by his effeminate last name

ü  At least two house parties

ü  Not like for frats, for stuffy wealthy Brits

ü  Libraries. Nothing is sexier than kissing against the shelves

ü  Your heroine is not like other girls

ü  Horses

ü  Like, she knows how to read

ü  References to either Napoleon or Victoria; it shows you did your research

ü  Heroine complaining about her wardrobe/marriage prospects/life

ü  Because how awful is it to have a nice house?

ü  And supportive parents?

ü  And nice clothes to wear?

ü  An obvious “no” in the marriage department (cousin, stutterer, religious, considerate, etc.)

ü  Dubious older suitor with ill intentions to leave your heroine hot and confused

ü  Is it so bad decent gentlemen sent you flowers?

ü  Best friend(s) for your heroine; identical and gushing over the romantic interest

ü  They are literally interchangeable

ü  And probably both named Katherine

ü  One goes by Ther

ü  One best friend can be poor

ü  But she just lurves serving the heroine

ü  Because she works for the heroine and has no life of her own

ü  And an obvious low class English accent

ü  An insipid rival fiancée for your heroine to sass at dinner

ü  References to Jane Austen or the Brontës. A unique girl only read the most popular literature.

ü  She has flaxen curls and a peachy complexion

ü  Fencing, for good measure

ü  Is it really so difficult to marry Philip Caldwell, Elizabeth?? WHY, ELIZABETH?!

ü  Of course, your heroine is an expert

ü  That rival fiancée purses her lips a lot

ü  “I’m not beautiful, my lord.”

ü  “Yes, you are.”

ü  Swooning (but don’t you dare let your heroine swoon)

ü  Let the bodice hit the floor

ü  Dramatic sunset

ü  Romantic, peaceful epilogue with the heroine and love interest all married and stuff

And most importantly:

ü  Impose modern sensibilities and ideas into your heroine’s head so she seems super progressive

Ughhhh. We can't believe we have to spell it out for all the non-English majors out there, but we just need to get a few things off our chest.

1.) People asking you, "What are you going to do with that?" 

Did you know that they used to taunt Christian English majors by jeering Quid facias eo? when they were thrown into the Coliseum to fight three rabid bears with only a butter knife and barbecue sauce? I think we can all agree that this is a joke shouldn't be funny anymore.

II.) People assume you're not going to have a future.

That's exactly what the Romans assumed when they beheaded St. Pancras at the age of fourteen.

III.) You wanted to write a novel in high school but now you just write listicles

St. Catherine of Alexandria: "7 Times Pride and Prejudice Was Life"

Maxentius: I can't even take you seriously anymore

Catherine: "15 Things You Learn Freshman Year"

Maxentius: We're just going to execute you on the wheel

Catherine: "An Open Letter to Wheels"

IV.) Everyone in other majors thinks you've got it easy.

Just like the Jewish gladiator turned to the Christian one and said, "At least your faith's persecution will only last a few more centuries."

V.) People think your major is outdated. 

But the truth is, some things will always be timeless, like a good story, deep meanings, and having all your teeth yanked out individually by a Roman mob and then immolating yourself on a pyre like St. Apollonia. 

VI.) Pulling all-nighters to finish that paper that's due tomorrow.

English majors are seriously just like St. Felicity - she was eight months pregnant when she was going to be executed at the Roman games, but pushed out her baby THE NIGHT BEFORE to meet the deadline. #thestruggleisreal, and not just for STEM majors.

VII.) People constantly make jokes about you saying "Would you like fries with that?"

Although that really does sound like a snarky one-liner St. Lawrence would say.

VIII.) You randomly nerd out about stuff no one else seems to care about.

Like the famous dialogue between St. Augustine and St. Jerome:

Augustine: Omigod I ship Fourtris

Jerome: That's not even a ship they're like a couple in the book

Augustine: Yeah but I ship them soooo harrrd

Jerome: No one cares Augustine

Augustine: But

Jerome: STFU Augustine

IX.) Your hands are sooo sore from typing....

...So sore that they might spontaneously break into bleeding stigmata, symbolizing your spiritual union with the final agonies of Christ upon the Cross and God's plan for you to preach the mysteries before His flock.

X.) Your professors say that the YA books you love aren't "real" literature

Joan of Arc: YA is a diverse, really popular genre written for people my age because we're all going through tough times of finding our identity and people always put it down as frivolous but I just CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT CLACE OK

English: *put torch on pyre*

BONUS ROUND

Pics of St. Sebastian, who was a New Adult romance cover model before being shot by the Romans